Can Christian Bale Get Any Cooler?

In my opinion there are very few actors that can do no wrong. Maybe they have incredible decision making abilities or maybe they just have better people around them. But one of those guys is Christian Bale. I don’t think there is anybody that makes better decisions than Christian Bale. Christian Bale can be in a big blockbuster and be great in it or he can be in a small movie and be great in it. Christian Bale can be in a movie with another big star and there doesn’t seem to be any egos getting in the way and the star power isn’t completely disappointing. Just think about last year. Christian Bale teamed up with Russell Crowe in 3:10 to Yuma and it exceeded expectations. That same Russell Crowe also teamed up with Denzel Washington, who is treated like a god, and it was completely disappointing.

But there is one other quality that sets Christian Bale apart from everybody else. Christian Bale (or somebody around him) seems to know what his fans want to see him in. Let’s face it, every Christian Bale fan said “Holy (fill in your favorite expletive)” when they found out that Christian Bale would don the cape and cowl of Batman. After that it was decided that Christian Bale would be in the next Terminator movie, which everybody loved again. Next he teams up with Johnny Depp for a movie. Christian Bale and Johnny Depp? Are you frickin’ kidding me? Is this heaven? On top of that it’s a movie about John Dillinger.

Now comes the rumor that Christian Bale could be Solid Snake in the Metal Gear Solid movie. Again this is a perfect match. Video game fans (that’s what Metal Gear Solid is) are exactly the type of people that love Christian Bale. Video games fans are even more skeptical about movie adaptations than comic book fans because so far there have been no great video game movie adaptations. But video game fans would be fine with Christian Bale as Solid Snake, ecstatic even. After all, Christian Bale has done the best comic book movie adaptation, why can’t he do the same for video games?

Of course it’s not a done deal yet. While Christian Bale is the strong rumor out there other names are being tossed around by fans as possibilities. Here are some of my thoughts.
Great casting choice for Solid Snake: Josh Holloway
There are a lot of similarities between Solid Snake and another Snake, Snake Pliskin of Escape from New York. Pliskin was played by Kurt Russell and Josh Holloway is basically a younger Kurt Russell clone. He could easily play the Solid Snake part.

Good casting choice for Solid Snake: Sean Bean
I think I would prefer to see Christian Bale as Solid Snake and Sean Bean as another character, but Bean would be a pretty good Solid Snake as well.

He’s not the right casting choice for Solid Snake: Keanu Reeves
I’ve been hard on Keanu’s acting ability in the past but I don’t even think it’s about that. I think Keanu Reeves can be a decent action star if everything around him is done well but I just don’t think Keanu is the type of hero to play Solid Snake. In the Matrix Neo was cool, but he was the clean shaven, golden boy savior type. Solid Snake is the tough, five o’clock shadow, face paint wearing, gritty badass.

He talks funning casting choice for Solid Snake: Clive Owen
Clive Owen is tough and gritty and he’s a good actor. But here’s the difference between he and Christian Bale. You can never tell from Bale’s parts that he’s from the UK. Bale never has an accent. Clive Owen always has an accent. Maybe Owen has just never had a part where he needed to drop the accent so he hasn’t. Maybe he can actually do it. But until I hear it myself I’m not convinced he can do it.

Marginally acceptable casting choice for Solid Snake: Hugh Jackman
Jackman is alright, I don’t think he would suck. But I wouldn’t be waiting in line opening weekend either.

Old geezer casting choice for Solid Snake: Kurt Russell
Like I said, Solid Snake = Snake Pliskin. But Kurt Russell is too old to be Solid Snake.

Comeback casting choice for Solid Snake: Val Kilmer
Solid Snake is exactly what Val Kilmer needs to be a star again. Although last time I saw him he was getting really chubby.

If only he had hair casting choice for Solid Snake: Jason Statham
Jason Statham is the toughest and coolest sounding badass in Hollywood, and the best action hero.

Shut up Lord of the Rings fans casting choice for Solid Snake: Viggo Mortensen
Go back to the Shire you dumb Hobbits. What’s your next choice? Orlando Bloom?

I wish it would work but I doubt it would casting choice for Solid Snake: David Boreanaz
I like Bones, but surely there is something better for Boreanaz to do somewhere.

The worst idea I’ve heard so far casting choice for Solid Snake: Johnny Knoxville
Yeah, right, and what are your other great plans? Dax Shephard as Alucard? Steve-O as Master Chief? Maybe we can even dig up Dan Cortese and Bill Bellamy to be Ken and Ryu.

Praying For a Power Outage

Lately down here in Alabama we’ve been getting a lot of storms. Normally it’s not a big deal. It rains, it thunders, it lightnings and then that’s that that. But lately the power has been going out more than usual. I think the power has gone out more times in the last month than in the last 2 years.

About a month ago when the power went out my computer was on at the time and it wreaked havoc on my computer, especially on my mouse. Whenever I clicked on something with my mouse, it automatically double clicked instead. This was very frustrating. I often closed things I didn’t want to close and clicked on things I didn’t want to click.

Sometimes when something breaks people have a tendency to try and fix it by beating on it. I don’t know why people think they should do this. I guess they think if it broke then you can smash it around and make in unbreak. Well, apparently that is sort of what happened with my mouse because about a week later the power went out again with my computer on and suddenly the mouse started working again.

But like I said, the power has been going out a lot. The power went out again a few days later and the mouse wasn’t working again. A few days later the power went out again and the mouse worked, later that day the power went out again and my mouse wasn’t working again.

Now here I am with a mouse that doesn’t work properly and I can think is I hope the power goes out sometime soon.

333 Months

I have never understood why babies go by a different age system then everybody else. When a baby is born they are never a certain amount of years old, they go by months. Babies are never half a year old or 1 and a half years, they are six months or eighteen months old. Then suddenly at around 2 years old, they stop going by months. Why? Can people not count higher than 24? I think if babies are going to go by months then we all should. So everybody send me presents, because tomorrow I will be the big 333 months old. Yay me!

Grin & Bear It

Today I was writing an article about the Top 10 Fictional Bears of all-time. I briefly touched on a subject that has always bothered me about a certain fictional bear. I’ve never talked about it before because nobody has ever mentioned it before but finally I must address it here.

What the heck is up with Yogi Bear’s attire?

Okay, so dress attire has never been a strong suit (get it? dress attire, suit? Ha!) in cartoons. Mickey Mouse has pants but no shirt. Donald Duck has a shirt but no pants. Bugs Bunny doesn’t wear clothes when he’s himself, but wears clothes when he wants to be a woman (which is another whole topic.) But Yogi Bear has the most ridiculous outfit of all.

Yogi Bear wears a tie. That’s cool, i can respect that. But apparently Yogi doesn’t want to wear a shirt. Now Yogi could just tie the tie around his neck and no problem. But instead Yogi has the collar of a shirt so that he can tie his tie around his neck. However, he doesn’t wear the rest of the shirt! Just the collar. What? Why? This makes no sense!

Wearing a collar without a shirt would be like wearing shoe laces without shoes or wearing belts without pants. How ridiculous would that look? So please Yogi Bear, put on a shirt or take off the tie!

On a sidenote, my top 10 fictional bears list made me reminisce about one of my favorite bears, Paddington Bear. I used to love Paddington Bear but haven’t seen the show in probably 20 years. So of course I looked him up on YouTube and sure enough I found several episodes, including the episode where Paddington Bear takes a “dry bath” because it’s “safer than using water and much less messy.”

Rebel Without a Clue, Part 2

I have scoured the internet looking for tips on how to make my blog better. But I’ve been cursed with the desire to rebuke all good advice and therefore must do the opposite of any blogging tips I receive. That is why I will not listen to the latest tip I got: Choose your niche wisely, write about one topic and don’t be too broad.

Bah, forget about that! Stick to one? No way. I will talk about all the following things on this blog.

- God
- Video Games
- Comic Books
- Bible Verses
- Jennifer Connelly
- Green Lantern
- Pirates
- Robin Hood
- 80’s Movies
- William Zabka
- Recipes
- Coffee Mugs
- Hats
- Fairy Tales
- Shirt pockets
- Middle Names
- Hippos
- Violins
- Facial Hair
- Bicycle Chains
- Sword Fighting
- Exercise
- George Washington’s Head
- Third Base
- Prepositions
- Dinosaurs
- Cereal
- Trailers

Palindrome

I’ve found in my studies of useless information that there is a word that has been created for the fear of just about anything. There’s ancraphobia, the fear of wind, and chaetophobia, the fear of hair. There is a fear of string called linonophobia and octophobia, the fear of the number 8. There is even novercaphobia, the fear of your step mother.

But I’m convinced some of the names given to these fears are evil tricks on the part of those that named them. The perfect example is aibohphobia. Aibohphobia is the fear of palindromes. Of course we know that a palindrome is a word that is spelled the same both forwards and backwards like racecar. But the word for the “fear of palindromes” is actually a palindrome itself. Aibohphobia and aibohphobia (that’s the backwards spelling) are the same word forwards and backwards. So if somebody has a fear of palindromes then every time their doctor talks about aibohphobia it’s not going to do them any good, because they have a fear of that word. That’s just cruel people.

Fun fact: Solutomaattimittaamotulos is the longest single-word palindrome. It is a Finnish word that means “the result from a measurement laboratory for tomatoes.”

Rebel Without a Clue, Part 1

Recently I saw an article on “Tips for writing a blog.” Unfortunately I have this strange desire to not listen to what anybody says. It’s like I must rebel against any good advice I’m given. That is why instead of listening to all this good advice, I’m actually going to do the complete opposite.

This is the first piece of advice I’m not going to take in this post: Write About Something You Love

Come on. That’s too easy. I could easily write about the New York Mets or Jennifer Connelly, but I need more of a challenge. So instead I will write about something I hate: the color yellow.

Let’s start with why I hate the color yellow. I think my hate for the color yellow originated from the Green Lantern comic book. Some people think that the color yellow hurts Green Lantern, like kryptonite for Superman. That’s not true though, the color yellow didn’t hurt Green Lantern, his ring just wouldn’t work on yellow objects.

I’m pretty sure they retconned the whole yellow thing though (that means he can use his object on yellow objects now. But I still hate the color yellow. It’s just too bright. What can I say? I’m a dark person. If I could work at night and sleep during the day I would. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not goth or anything, I like reds, blues, greens and even purples. But I like dark reds, dark blues, dark greens and dark purples.

Yellow is an annoying color, look no further than a traffic light. Green means go, Red means stop, but Yellow is just confusing. I know they implemented the yellow to warn us that the traffic light is about to change to red, but it just throws me off. Do I slow down and wait for red?? Do I speed up so I can beat the red light?? I don’t know what to do! Usually I end up either running a red light or stopping in the middle of the intersection. Dangit Yellow! Why must you exist?

Welcome to the Hellmouth

Hello! Welcome to my 47th blog. If you’re familiar with my past blogs I’d say this one is slightly better than blog #23 but slightly worse than blog #18. Sorry! But there’s just no beating blog #18!

Anyway, this is my first post so I’m supposed to tell you all about myself. But I’m not going to because my past is shrouded in mystery. Not really, I just don’t wanna. All will be revealed eventually though, just keep reading. For now I’ll let you know that I write freelance articles over at Associated Content (dot com!). All 1100+ of my articles are listed in chronological order with no other way to sort them. So it is difficult to sift through them and find the good ones. So here I will list a few of my favorites so you can read them and not the crappy articles.

The History of Women Pirates

Cartoon Physics 101: What is Hammerspace?

The Five Most Overlooked Verses in the Bible

Six Underrated Dr. Seuss Books

Ten Most Addictive Video Games of All-time